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Why are these 3 skills ALL you need to navigate through life?

April 14, 2023
Ahmadou DIALLO

La Comédie de Toulouse, Toulouse, France, September 2018

The small bar was packed with people. All of them are here for one thing only: to jump into the arena of Improv comedy. 

It was a Tuesday. I remember the feeling of starting a new thing that I always wanted to do. Then he arrived, our master for these lessons. I present to you Cedric Asna aka Ced.


I have always wanted to be on stage, and humor is an excellent way to cope with my life and release stress in my personal and professional life.

Thus I decided to go on that trial class and see if it is something that I would like.


At the end of the trial class, I concluded that I did not like it.


I love it. It was a fantastic experience. I signed immediately, and Ced impressed me as an artist and teacher.


Ced is a well-known comic book illustrator in his daily life. He even has a Youtube channel where he illustrates stories told by his daughters:

On top of that, he is also a renowned comedian, part of a team, “Le Trio d’Impro,” with a monthly show where he can showcase his improv skills and his illustrations live on stage!


Since that first class, I cannot wait to attend the course and be on stage each Tuesday. 

At 6:00 pm, after working all day long, I take the tram and the subway to go for 2 hours of pure magic with Ced at La Comédie de Toulouse from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm. 

By the time I get back home, it is almost 10:00 pm. When I arrived home, my son Noah Ali was already in bed.

Rain, hail, or shine, I will never miss this long, exhausting, and exhilarating day for nothing.


This year is my second season of Improv comedy classes with Ced. I am preparing my show. Well, it’s a long project. For the moment, all I have is the title: “The One Mad Show.” But it’s a good start.


In this article, I would like to share the three main rules of improv comedy. As in life, improv comedy is all about improvisation and exploring the unknown.

An excellent improv scene has three main ingredients, which, when followed by all involved people, will make it successful.

Those same ingredients can be applied in our lives and yield tremendous benefits.


Ced taught us the three magic ingredients. Here they are:

1. A as Accept

2. L as Listen

3. L, as Let go


1. A as Accept

In Improv Comedy:

The first and only cardinal rule of improv comedy is consistently accepting what was said before.

In our first trial class, back in September 2018, Ced first said: In improv comedy, there is only one rule: always accept the premise.

That rule is also better known as the “Yes and” rule.


If one of the protagonists on stage said that you are a pink elephant having some weight issue, your answer must be: Yes, which is why I started the Savannah weight loss program this month.

Accepting the premise and saying “yes and” to the other person’s proposal is a gift to that person. On top of that, it will move the action forward, and you will explore uncharted territories.

“No” and “Yes but” have no place in improv comedy.

By saying no to a proposal, you are breaking the scene's momentum and denying the other character the premise of its existence.

Saying “yes but” is another way to say no. 


The “Yes and” rule applied in improv comedy is where the magic is.


In Life:

Me: Yes, you did not get a salary raise this year. However, you are healthy, and with what you are earning today, your living standard here in France, you are richer than 75% of the world population.

Him: Yes but…(add whatever, the government, others, my wife, my boss, my children, the weather)


We all have that one colleague who seems not to be dissatisfied with the gifts of life. Whenever you come up with a solution, they will always find a problem. 

I call those people the “Yes but” people. I try to avoid being around them in my private and professional life.


I am more drawn to the “Yes and” people. 


I grew up with limited resources in Dakar, Senegal. And even then, I was lucky that I was living in Dakar. First, I went to a private elementary school, “Collège Notre Dame Du Liban,” and then to a public high school, “Collège et Lycée Lamine Gueye.” Then I was lucky to be able to come to France and pursue my engineering school with a scholarship from the Senegalese government.

I learned to accept what life handed over to me. I am grateful for everything that happens to me. My mindset is one of adding value to myself and others.

I am not a “Yes” person. I am a “Yes and” person. I like to take what I was given, add my part, and hand it over to the next person.


The “Yes and” people spend less time complaining about what happens to them, why them, and not the rest of the world.


They know that their time and resources are limited and that action kills fear, always. As a result, they feel more in control of their life and are ultimately happy. 


“ Life doesn't happen to you. Life happens for you.”

Tony Robbins


2. L as Listen

In Improv Comedy:

In improv comedy, new characters, objects, and objects are constantly introduced as the story continues. 

As a comedian, I must accept the premise, add some color, and hand it over to the other person. Each of us on stage is adding flaws to their character, giving them some props, etc.

Generally, when performing on stage, we are three comedians. The first comedian will come on stage and set up the scene while the two remaining are backstage.


I will give hints about the location when I set up the scene. It’s my room. The door is on the left-hand side of the stage. I have a big eating table in the middle of the room. I will show you where it is. 

Imagine that you are public, watching the scene. As you are not in action, you will see the room, the table, the window, and the door location as I staged it.

Now the 2nd person enters my room on the right-hand side, with no door because this is where my bed is.

That person was not present; they were not listening. That is the most straightforward case. In reality, you will improvise with other people, and they will say things as they come into their heads. 

The scene might only be 3 minutes long. Yet a lot of things can happen in 3 minutes. For example, a successful improv comedian can listen not only with their ears but also with their eyes. Indeed they have to know not to walk through walls unless their character is a ghost. In that case, it makes sense.


And comedians are genius at saying things at the beginning of their show. Then, at some point further, they will do a recall, which will always guarantee them a laugh. 


Why?


Because they have mastered the art of listening, remembering, and calling back things that you already forgot they said earlier.


In Life:

When interacting with people, we often don’t listen to the other person. Instead, we are just waiting for our turn to reply.


That often happens to me when arguing with my wife. While she’s talking, physically, I am there. But, in my mind, I am digging back in my head to find the one sentence to use as a counterargument. 


A lot of conflicts and situations in our life are the result of a lack of listening. When we are seeking to rely on, we are not present. As a result, we are missing the clues that the other person is sharing that would help us understand their feelings better. 


Sometimes it happens to me that I am talking on the phone to a person. Well, I am not listening. They will tell me that they are working in this area. Then, five minutes later, I would ask them again about what they were doing in life. I can hear their frustration as they repeat louder what they have told me earlier.


Empathic listening shows the other person that you see them, that they matter, and that you are here for them.


By listening and remembering the information shared by other people, we can have genuine, trust-based conversations and connections.


“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Stephen Covey 


3. L, as Let go

In Improv Comedy:

In improv comedy, you must follow the flow as the story is written live. And it is more challenging than it might seem.

Indeed as a comedian, you will try to fit your character into a specific type with certain skills and flows. However, if you are not the 1st person on stage, when you enter, the already on-stage comedian will give you another character, far from what you were expecting.

You don’t have time to challenge that proposition. 

Remember the 1st rule of Improv comedy: “You don’t talk about….” no! 

“Yes, I accept your gift and will go with the flow.”


Improv comedy has no place for censorship. And we all have that voice telling us that we cannot be a woman persona, wearing skirts and heels. Instead, we are a male, successful accountant in a three-piece suit. 

The biggest challenge is to go with the flow, to free our mind from the chains of reality and what should or should not be. 

If we try to anticipate too much what will happen after, the improvisation will fail. What makes the magic of improv comedy is that it’s a live experience.

Both the comedians and the public have yet to learn what the story's end will be at the beginning.


For the action to move on, we cannot hold on to the dogma of our personality at the expense of the character we are playing. We have to silence that censorship voice and take the risk of embracing our spontaneity. 


The improv comedy art requires a total devotion to the spectacular now without any bound to this universe and its reality.


In Life:

I married when I was 37 years old to a white, non-muslim partner. Coming from a traditional Muslim tribe, the Pulaars, this was a massive step for me.

Since I came to France in 2000, I have always had white girlfriends. I was not forcing the fact to date, Black Muslim girls. I was in the flow of my circumstances.


What were they? 


I was constantly evolving in environments where most of the people I hung out with were white, whether in Engineering school or at work after.

All my relationships always have the same storyline. We will start dating. We will build our relationship up to a certain point. Then comes the sabotage, where I will do anything, find any excuse to end our relationship. And not letting it hurt them, and I apologize for that.


Why so much self-flagellation? 


I will not go through the religious analogy both in Christianity and Islam. For me, it was just that I did not let go of the image of what a life for a Pulaar, Muslim, black man should be. Holding on to the expectations of my parents, the Pulaar community, the Muslims, and the black people, I could not be happy with someone who did not fit that predefined reality. 

Eventually, I found the courage to let go by acknowledging that what mattered, in the end, was not the color of my love. Instead, what matters most is the intensity of my love, its genesis, and its Genuity. 


Finally, I was free. Finally, I was me.


We all go around our personal or professional lives, always trying to fit ourselves into a hypothetical vision of what others think we should be. We spend our energy trying to anticipate things, elaborating some complex plans over which we know we have no control deep down.


Of course, I am not saying that we should relinquish control of our life. I am just saying that we should take ownership of who we are and go with it. 


“Letting go takes a lot of courage sometimes. But once you let go, happiness comes very quickly. You won’t have to go around searching for it.”

Thich Nhat Hanh


There you have it. By accepting what happens to you, listening with more empathy, by letting go, you will be close to your true self.  You will spend less energy complaining, fighting with others, or holding on to things that will try to put you in a cage.


When we are born, we cry while everybody is smiling. By using ALL the ingredients of improv comedy, we will leave this world with a smile while everybody is crying.

Do you have a “Yes and” mindset?

Are you developing your empathic listening skills?

Are you writing your own story?


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Photo by Ahmad Odeh on Unsplash

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