A Story of Unintended Bias and the Power of Perspective
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
– French Abbot Bernard of Clairvaux
Disclaimer: I despise the terms Black or White. When the term Black (or White) is used in this article, understand Afro-descendant (or European-descendant). I use them for convenience.
I am not Black. I am Chocolate. You are not White. You are Lemonade.
Chapter One: Witnessing the Problem
Now, let me share a recent story that happened to me on March 8th, 2024, the International Day for Gender Equality.
It is the end of the morning. I am scrolling mindlessly on our internal social platform. Everybody is celebrating the day with some posts and some hashtags. Then I thought to myself: the leader of our organization did not post anything.
As I am in charge of internal communication, I contacted him and suggested that he also celebrate the women in our organization via a post.
He said: Great idea, let’s do it. I said: Here is a post I drafted for you. I am in a meeting right now. He replied, put my executive assistant in the loop, and let’s work it out.
I was very excited. Then, I went back to endlessly scrolling our social platform. I stumbled upon two posts that highlighted everything wrong with mansplaining that day.
“Mansplaining (a blend word of man and the informal form splaining of the gerund explaining) is a pejorative term meaning "(for a man) to comment on or explain something, to a woman, in a condescending, overconfident, and often inaccurate or oversimplified manner"
Mansplaining. (2024, February 17). In Wikipedia.
Let me explain.
The two posts were just text without any pictures. I mean, we are in 2024.
Who does not illustrate their post with a picture to grab people’s attention?
The first post is from a White French male senior leader, and it reads like this: Here is the percentage of women in my organization; we have increased the number of women by this percentage. That’s it.
The other post was from a White German male senior leader that reads like this: those are all the women that have worked or are working for me: list some subordinate women. Ask them how awesome it is to work for me. Ciao.
I am paraphrasing here, but you get the picture because they did not put any pictures or give the stage to women in their organization.
Chapter Two: My Ally Attempt Goes Wrong
I am finalizing the post with my organization's senior leader and his executive assistant, who happens to be a White French woman.
Learning from the two other guys above and my experience as a storyteller, I proposed to illustrate our post with a montage of some faces of the women in our organization.
I initiated a group chat with the women we think are eager to participate in the mosaic of faces representing our organization's global footprint.
Ah yes, Did I mention it was Friday afternoon, Paris time? That meant that it was too late for our colleagues in India and China while being too early for our colleagues in the US.
I started adding some women from the organization to the group chat. My ask was simple: read the proposed draft text and add your picture to the photo if you agree with the message.
Some women added their pictures without questions. They felt it served the purpose of the day. Yet the other half was reluctant. They challenged the text I drafted.
The chat was singing with notifications of new messages. It was one of those magic moments when the trajectory is bent in real-time. I could feel like there will be a before and after that day: Friday, 08th of March 2024.
In a separate chat, I was exchanging with the executive assistant. And she was not happy with what was happening. That is an understatement. She was literally pissed off.
The situation from her perspective: It is International Women’s Day. Here are two men trying to drive the conversation about what should be said about the women in the organization. Those two men: the “Boss” and me.
And then she struck me with the following statement: I am surprised to see such an initiative coming from you. And then, I asked her the motivations behind her question.
You know what it feels like to be a witness to everyday racism, yet you should understand what it feels like to be a witness of everyday sexism, she replied.
Wow. That was hard. For the first time in my life, I was sitting in the chair of the oppressor. I was the guy who was mansplaining during International Women’s Day.
Well, not really. I am not coming from a place of mansplaining; I am coming from a place of allyship, I answered to her. I added that I would love to have allies who will stand up for me like I am trying to do for you today.
Knowing her, she was barely convinced. Yet she understood at least where I was coming from.
I will not associate my face with that message, she replied. And then she went on to guide the “Boss” into crafting a more authentic message. I was still struggling to have enough pictures to fill the mosaic.
It was 05:00 PM, and I was already late to pick up my son from school to drive him to his hip-hop lessons. I quickly dropped out of the call with the Boss and her to fetch my kid.
My son is doing some hip-hop moves. I am sitting in my car in the parking lot, waiting for him. I reconnected with the two of them at the meeting. The executive assistant is trying to finalize the text. At the same time, she is getting more pictures to add to the montage.
The Boss was late for his next appointment. The post should be out right now. We managed to do it all before 06:00 PM.
The Boss hit publish on the post with the mosaic of pictures, and the three of us called it a day.
Chapter Three: Learning And Moving Forward
That has been a pivotal day for me: the 08th of March, 2024. That was the first day I was on the other side of oppression and not just a victim of it.
I learned that having good intentions is not enough. It is important to share your intentions. I learned that it is important to always get the perspective of the oppressed before trying to talk on their behalf.
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Photo by Rodolfo Clix from Pexels
